1 down and 7 to go!

First we talked in terms of quarterlies, halfyearlies and annuals, then came the time of monthly tests and now we deal with sessionals and semesters. The evolution is nearly complete! The first semester of studies at NIT Kkr is over and I'm at home(and loving it) for the break after a hectic semester, which involved coping with my late admission and endless trysts with seniors!

Staying away from home would never have posed a challenge for me. I had done that. But staying in a hostel certainly proved to be tricky! For a major portion of my stay at home from Jan-early Aug, I had been practically holed up in a room and had subconsciously built a cocoon around myself which was epitomised by my unaccomodating behaviour. Now I know from where the "Tu hostel mein nahin reh sakta" taunt from my bro came from. He had hit the nail on the head.
Hostel has made me more accomodating as a person. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow of things even if it compromises on your time with yourself( for studies or for any other recreational activity). Infact, in a multiseater room, you hardly get time to think about yourself, which perturbed me in the beginning. By the semester end though, I had managed to get over this difficulty and divided my time judiciously between studies and friends. The guys of my floor love their bhakchodi sessions, but sometimes they take it over the top, compromising studies in the process. And that is when I step aside and quietly proceed towards my room. They never miss me, because I'm not a big talker, but don't the different types of flowers look the best together! This worked for me in this semester. I did well in all of my exams and I should get a high GPA, which was my primary aim for the semester. As for making good friends, ragging took care of that!

Enter the seniors! At first, I took all this UP GT thing way too casually and it certainly reflected in the way I first presented myself to the seniors: in Reebok Pyjamas, bathroom sleepers and a trendy t-shirt(I was supposed to be present in 'formal' clothes!). "Kar kya lenge", I said to myself. And within those 15 minutes I had listened to more threats and swear words than I had ever had for a very long time! Lots of things have been firsts for me in the first semester, and this was one of those! I was even GT-out for a day and thankfully I thought the better of it, because in plain words, college is a rape for GT-outs.
So, the ragging ensued, and boy, weren't we ragged! From running around in the campus market with a shoe in foot and sandal in the other, to making love with a wall. We did it all. Except ofcourse the stripping, which is a strict no-no in our GT. There is some sense in this world afterall!
After all these months of getting raggged, surprisingly, the worst is yet to come. And its easy to visualise the seniors, rubbing their hands in anticipation of the arrival of 'bachha log' , to have a go at them for two more weeks, before we are set free. Hurrah! That should be fun! But the first two weeks of the semester will be anything but that.
The best thing about ragging is the friends I have made through it. Infact, the closest friends I have, are from UP GT. While cursing the seniors together, getting ragged together and attending those GT meetings, we subconsciously built very strong bonds, that should last with time. All the 20 odd guys of UP GT from our hostel are a united lot and are forever present to support a 'bhai' in need! Thanks to the GT, Kothyari was saved from getting bashed, not once, but twice. Thank you seniors, for uniting us! Ab jaldi se free kar do hamein..

The standard of classroom teaching is abysmal(except in ED and to an extent English), and I have come to expect no better, till I reach the 2nd year. This is the norm in govt. colleges(quite a sad situation) and this is the way the system is run. I've never been the types, who are ready at the tiniest of invitations to stage a battle against the system, so as long as the teachers mark the answer sheets well(leniently, to be more precise) and we keep getting good marks, I'm not gonna complain! I sincerely hope for the upgradation of teaching standards once we study in our respective departments. As for now, nothing doing.

Failing in the computer sessional was not the biggest letdown of the semester (many did!), messing up big time in The Helios(official mag of NIT kkr) induction interview was. This was a mag, I really wanted to be a part of, for obvious reasons. Not to be. Will try again next year.

This break has been a good one. I haven't felt bored, like I had during my previous visits home, and the time, like the first sem is speeding past. I must mention here, that the novel "The Alchemist" was a big letdown, and the hype surrounding it, is mystifying to me. In its aftermath, Paul Coelho became one of the most widely quoted authors, but I judge authors and subsequently the novels by their story-telling skills, not on the basis of some philosophy which an author tries to present. Come on, the basic essence of a novel should be its story, and if some philosophy and a message is interwined with the story, its ok. But the philosophy should never subsede the story. That's my viewpoint. I maybe right or wrong, but that's me!
Novels for me, should be analogus to sex! It should be a pleasure reading them throughout, and at one point of the novel, orgasm must be reached, in order to make it a pleasurable and an unforgettable experience. I refer reaching orgasm while reading a novel as a state when we are completely blown away(or in awe!) by the content of what we are reading. A state of absolute admiration and elation. Or a WOW!! . That's why Dan Brown is my favourite author. He takes the reader along a roller coaster ride and provides a WOW! moment which leaves the reader in absolute awe. I write this with all seriousness. No pun intended.
I'm heading back on 11th Jan. A brand new semester awaits. And more importantly, the Final Touch beckons. 'Bachha' pahunch rha hai Sir!!!

The Things That Happened In Between..

Back at last!! Considerable amount of water has flowed under the bridge since the time I wrote the last post. My u-turn regarding dropping an year to prepare(and I thought I had that one sorted out!!), my one week stay at Pantnagar: I really liked the place, and finally taking admission in NIT Kurukshetra, which, given my situation was the best alternative there could have ever been..

The toughest week of my life was the one I spent in Kota after I decided to take the drop. Apart from the severe accommodation crisis, came the realization that this was one decision I had taken in haste and going ahead with the same enthusiasm would be utterly impossible. I look back at that decision as the biggest mistake of my life as yet, one which caused a great deal of uncomfort to my family. I've learned a lot from that experience and have moved on from it. Thankfully, 'coz moving on hasn't ever been my cup of tea!!

With ubiquitous greeenery and its very own culuture, came Pantnagar, bringing along the most carefree week of my life!! I remember registering the shock when I came to know that my roomie Anil was a chain smoker. This was gonna be one hell of a ride! Most importantly though, the mess food was heavenly. I made friends with a typical Roorkee guy, Dikshant. By the typical Roorkee guy, I mean someone who always uses sugarcoated words, makes filmy promises, is jealous to the last fibre of anyone's progress , is fun to hang around with but is never worth trusting and backbiting is his forte! And so the week went by playing volleyball, having chat sessions, but subconsciously I made a note that this place had everything to offer, except studies, given the location of my room and the circle of my friends!! But the surprise of all surprises was yet to come!!
A visit to the DISCO aka disciplinary committee room, awaited. Its a place where many a carrers are ruined and many a lives are changed forever, for the worse that is.. and those who come out unscathed, consider it to be a gift from above! The proverbial studs of the First Year: Anil, Avnish and Aswal were 'guilty' (wtf!) of playing football in the hostel lawns at midnight. This is supposed to be normal anywhere except Pantnagar(told ya about its 'very own culuture', didn't I!) and the 'hungry for attention' warden Arun Chaudhary ne disciplinary committee bithaa dii..People and their idiosyncrasies!!! My room was next to the studs', and hence I came into the net too. The very morning bro had messaged me informing about my admission in NIT Kkr through the 2nd round of counselling and Pantnagar conspired to give me a farewell, in its very own style! I remember it vividly. I was yawning in the empty corridors of my wing(I had decided to bunk that day's classes, what good was it now!) when the the caretaker came upto me and asked "Aap Ankit Dubey hain?". I said in my mind "Have I been shortlisted for an award or something?", but my imagination was rudley cut short and the contrary happened. "Aapko disciplinary commitee ne bullaya hai". Oh dear!
And so, there I was, sitting outside the cursed room. On my way to the seat I had partially caught a glimpse of the way Aswal was being grilled. Tell u what, it was typical Five Point Someone style DISCO. Some 8 professors with those killing, unforgiving eyes were waiting for me. Great, I thought! I summoned enough courage to knock and enter the room. Immediately after I sat down I was asked for my intro. I laid stress on my sound educational background(being an IIT prof's son, greatly helps you in situations such as these, especially if you are innocent) and clarified that I was not the one playing, but the one watching. It was the truth. I think the professors decided to spare me once Aswal had clearly said to them that I was not involved. This is what I like the most about some of the proverbial studs. Although they care two hoots about their grades, about the money they splurge or the fistfights they indulge in, but at the end of the day, they are good at heart. And rest assured, they'll back their friends, without caring about anything. Getting the rough treatment from the authorities is nothing new to these guys and expectedly Aswal , Anil and Avnish were slapped with the fastest CP(Conduction Probation) in the Pantnagar history! And my time in Pantnagar, had come to a dramatic end. Dad came next day and I teed off for Kurukshetra. The Pantnagar sojourn ended then and there! And guess what, the typical Roorkee guy, hasn't called back since!

"Wow!", was what I said, upon my first look at the NIT campus. Open and calm are the two words which describe it the best. "Eeew!" was what I said at seeing the congested hosted rooms. But with time, Viney(my roomie) and me and learned to manage the space well, and we no longer regard it as congested!
Currently, the semester break is on and classes resume from Jan 12. I'm quite happy the way my life is, at the moment. Uncomplicated and smooth. I think I'm in control like I've never been in the past 3 years . And some new ideas I'm working on, with Navdeep makes it even more interesting. All about the first sem at NIT kkr in the next post..gudbye till then!

The past is gonna be the future again

So here we are. All the results declared, counselling due, but still not expected to get through a good college staraightaway. The situation I dreaded the most is upon me and here's the reason why..

IIT JEE: not qualified(ouch..ouch..ouch)
AIEEE:26210(AIR)..wtf
UPSEE:2706
NTU and NUS:Better leave the chinkis alone. Rejection in both(did someone whisper salt on the wounds!)
Boards:87.4%..who cares anyway!

As it is not difficult to fathom, the current scene isn't very good. I never try to think about the amount of work I put in. That'll be a reaction and what I need is a solution, for the current crisis. After giving everything a good and a long thought, I have made up my mind to repeat this year. As usual, everyone has a different say on this. Some think that it is akin to wasting an year while others hold more comforting views. There's no denying that it is indeed a gamble of sorts, moreso for the people here in Roorkee, who think that dropping an year is like commiting harakiri :) People and their thoughts..

I did some soul searching to find out whether this is the thing I really wanted. The sort of things they show in movies. But movies especially the Hindi ones are a refugee from reality.Hardly anything in life is ideal, atleast in mine! Ok, I love to think about becoming a columnist or joining the Civil Services, but first, can I have a safe backup please! Then maybe one day, I'll think about jumping in the idealistic world and as they say, spread my wings!(I know I am exaggerating)

The thing is, no one drops because he wants to, its because he needs to(I'm referring to only the engineering aspirants here). And I think I seriously need to give it another go to be completely satisfied with myself. I never want my mind to fill up with vestiges of regret while I pursue my undergraduate studies. Regret of not having tried another year. The sort of feeling which might creep up, when I will sometime, inevitably, be dissatisfied with my surroundings. When I finally go to some college next year, I'll know in my mind that this is where I was meant to be. Having a clear mind without any interfering thoughts works wonders.

28th June, hot afternoon, Dehradun-Bandra Express. The cycle starts all over again. The tagline of my friend Arpit Tuli, in his orkut profile couldn't be more congruous:
"The past is gonna be the future again."
God save me! Bansal Classes, here I come...

That Sinking Feeling

So, I'm done with almost all of my exams and without a doubt, this was a time I was really looking forward to for many days. This is the "put your legs up" and relax stage, after all the grinding of the past two years, but the very thought was I was not able to perform exceedingly well in any of the entrances, debilitates my usual enthusisam to a little extent. I have nearly perfected the art of not thinking about the results, deciding that they'll be faced with and worried about, only when they come up.

My JEE score is 156. The only thing which comforts me is the fact that, I didn't wield the axe on my own foot in JEE. I would have been a lot happier with a 170-180 score, but getting to 156 required luck and good accuracy, the two words from which I was hithertho, unfamiliar with. The less said about AIEEE, the better. Untimely change of pattern and difficulty level, a bit of nerves(a sense of deja vu there..eh..) amalgamated and the end product is not I would call, satisfying. My gut tells me that hoping for a college from JEE(keeping in mind, the increase in number of seats and ranks expected this year) would be a lot safer bet than depending on the evergreen AIEEE. As for UPTECH and NTU Singapore, only the results will unravel where I stand, because both went well. And ofcourse, BITSAT. 226. Some friend of Dad said that his colleague's son was currently pursuing BTech in Civil from Pilani, and had a score in this region. It isn't difficult to fathom though, that he got through after 2nd or 3rd counselling. Whether that's true or not, remains the millon dollar question, and how I wish it were true!!!

Killing time hasn't been a matter of concern. The highly addictve orkut, novels, tennis , tv and movies, take up most of my time these days, and I'm not complaining. I'm still prone to sudden bouts of loneliness, which I seem to think reside somewhere besides my head and decides to crop up just about when I begin thinking that life's not that bad!! Apart from that, my life is chugging along nicely. Will the bonhomie remain, or am I in for something hatt ke? Only three weeks is all it will take to get that question answered..Will be back with my board's results.

The Beautiful World Of Backbenchers

Following is an article which I read in the TOI recently. It had a profound impact on me, just because I think, that the timing of this article was so perfect. Read on to know why....

"The most foolish description of youth is that it is rebellious. But the truth is that the youth, especially in this country, is a fellowship of cowards. It lives in fear. Fear of life, fear of an illusory future. The perpetual trauma of the forward castes is inextricably woven into this fear. And what Arjun Singh's successful reservation campaign has denied them is the right to a secured but ordinary life, a life that comes with scoring 98 percent in the board exams, a life that goes like this: Engineer-MBA-anonymous. The real tragedy concerns the extraordinary cowards. Great writers, painters, musicians and athletes who are lost forever to what are moronically called, 'the professional courses'. Instead of pursuing their talents they are, right now, in dark gloomy tutorials preparing for entrance exams, fatally infected by objective type questions. The angst of the types who score over 95 percent also fills me, and several lakhs like me, with wicked joy. I was the 75 percent type. It was not pleasurable to be so in Madras of the eighties. A large part of my formative years were spent in a Brahmin housing society called Rajaram Colony where fathers were all clerks and mothers were housewives. Many of my friends were periodically thrashed with belts by their fathers when the miasmic green report cards came home. My parents never hit me for my marks though my report cards were inspiring. My mother beat me up occasionally for political reasons – every time her mother-in-law came visiting. Apparently, according to a rustic Malayalee way of life, thrashing the kids was a hint to the in-law that it was time to leave. Those days, the legends of Rajaram Colony were our seniors who had entered the IITs, or as a consequence, had gone to America to study further. Their names were taken with reverence. When they visited home, they left a trail of whispers. And when they deigned to play cricket with us, we observed closely how they bowled and how they batted. Because they knew everything. It was already decided in every household, except mine, that the boys will go to IIT, a certainty just like their sisters will do BSc Nutrition. And so my friends began their furtive preparation when they were not yet thirteen. They began to score higher and higher at school. And they began to look at me as an unfortunate freak, not only because they thought they were brighter but also because I said I wanted to become a journalist. I did always claim a higher creative status and often entertained the backbenchers, who were chiefly sons of illiterate parents, by calling my Brahmins friends, "curd-rice muggers". In the school I had slowly gained a reputation as a poet and some sort of a stand-up comedian. But as I approached the 12th standard, I was not the hero anymore of the juniors. That honour drifted to a brilliant boy, the first ranker who once used to play the tabla and did not touch the instrument anymore because he was preparing for IIT's Joint Entrance Exam. (A few years later, I would meet him on the campus of IIT Chennai. He would tell me that he will not go to America. "Because, you see, with transcendental meditation, you can sit here in Madras and visit any country in the world". He was serious. Now, he is a banker in San Francisco). Meanwhile, in the Rajaram Colony, I observed that older Brahmin boys who had, somehow, fared poorly in the 12th standard and had to suffer the humiliation of pursuing BSc walked in the perpetual mist of guilt and embarrassment. They took to smoking and drinking, and 'sighting' – the disreputable art of looking at girls. I eventually moved out of the Colony to another such fiendish place but kept in touch with my childhood friends. The distance between us, however, grew. They did not really want to see me. I was a distraction in their preparation "for life". There was nothing they could talk to me about, nothing they could share, like their latest JEE sample test scores or the traits of the teachers at Brilliant Tutorials. On my part, I began to find them unhappy and bleak. Once, they were fresh and eager. Like me, they wanted to play cricket for India. Some were interested in music, some even attempted novels. Now, they were zombies in the trance of a whole material world that was just one entrance exam away. Eventually, almost all of them scored in the high nineties in the 12th standard exams. One made it to the IIT. The others prepared to go to second rung engineering colleges in humid melancholic towns. But they still thought they were more victorious than me because I had got 75%, a misfortune that their parents could not believe would visit someone who had two hands and one head. Worse, I told them that I was going to do a BA in English Literature. At that time, people did not think you were gay because you wanted to do literature. But they still did not understand why a male would do such a thing. They asked me if I was alright, if I could reconsider, if some maternal ornaments could be sold for the good cause of capitation fee. Some days, I think of those boys from another time. They are mostly bankers in America now. They are in the glow of the life that they had so dearly sought. But somehow I feel that their sisters, who eventually pursued what they wanted to, have more interesting lives. Also, occasionally I hear that some IITian or the other is returning to the art that he had originally loved. And is making up for the time he has lost because he could crack the toughest questions in the world but could not answer in time the class teacher's annual question, "What do you want to become in life?"

And so, almost inevitably, I questioned to myself, "What do u want to become in life?"
And the answer, "I'll decide once all my entrances are over."
Some things, just won't change.

Heading Towards A Land Unknown

The calendar reads 29 Feb 2008, which is, by all means and probabilities, the eve before the board exams 2008. The usual calls of the well wishers and not-so-well wishers came to wish luck. The willingness of anybody, who catches u in his/her vicinity(or sometimes forcibly, ouch....) to wish u luck on this particular day fills me with a sense of deja-vu. Only two years ago, did I find myself in the same situation as of now, with all and sundry(including my housemaid) happily showering their best wishes upon me. Honestly, it took me by surprise the first time. Afterall I had given all sorts of exams: quarterlies, pre-boards, 2- pre boards et all, minus all the hype, so this was a first for me. It was like suddenly being pushed into the limelight, when all you think, that tomorrow is just just gonna be one of those days. I sympathize with those who are not well prepared, because all this commotion can be very unnerving at times.
I've been in my own cocoon, since I came back, so this time around, I'm relatively shielded against the "count-down" mania. Shielded, unfortunately, not immune. I'm very confident about my preaparations, but I still see Boards as a distraction towards my main goal. There is a great need to put everything together in the approaching months before the D-day, and Boards are not quite allowing me to do that. Can't afford to complain about this though, because everybody(if you are not a dropper that is) have to face this.
Tomorrow will flag off a series of events(exams if you may) that will charter the future course of my life to a great extent. I've tried to not to think about the things at stake. That'll only lead to self-destruction, an art I mastered at my time at Bansals. Hopefully, my next post would be about how well I did in Chemistry.
With my family, and a few good men by my side, I head, towards a land unknown.........

You Are From IIT ROORKEE!!!!!

Is what most of the people(with eyes popping out and mouth half open) would say, after reading my id card, utterly shocked at seeing the offspring of an IIT professor, at the premises of Bansal Classes. I don't blame them, because the place really eats, sleeps and drinks IIT and even the slightest(or the most irrelevant) of the mentions of the place is sure to draw rapt attention from anyone who is in near vicinity. I had always prided myself in being the son of an IIT prof, interestingly for all the non-acaedamic reasons: free access to the internet, tennis courts, swimming pool, free passes to rocknites et all, were enough to make the life of a high school student heavenly!!!

Asking someone's place of origin is mostly how the conversations start for new acquaintances at Bansal Classes. Although, some bolder ones, or perennial prodigies(can't really blame them) normally begin and end conversations with Batch nos. Some examples:

A batch..hey mate my name is falaana dhimkaana...

B batch...oh(wondering how come HE ran into you and slightly distancing himself) hi..(and then a second later)...bye..(call it discrimination in the era of tolerance)...

C and D batch...(face contorting into various unpleasant shapes and sizes)..What the hell are you doing here???

Ok guys, I might be stretching this thing a little bit, but invariably, you are judged by the batch you are in. Having spent most of my time in low B's and high C's, i often ended up at the receiving side, the saving grace being the fact, that I was born into a temple Of Science and Technology. Some would even ask what was the need for me to come here. "Apne Papa aur unke prof friends se phadh leta". Preconceived notions about the demi god status of IIT, and Bansalites go hand in hand...

Coming back to the original matter, initially I was taken aback and even perturbed at these reactions, but as time went on, it finally sunk in that the tag of the "IIT professor's son", would remain for the complete sojourn, right uptill 6 Jan 2008. In some ways, it also served as an extra motivation to perform better, and constantly outdo my peers at BC, but the owing to the "tag" I couldn't really establish my own persona. Exception being the last few months in B-6, where no one really knew from where I was, and I built a well deserved reputation for my knowledge in Inorganic Chemistry:)...Too little, but not too late....
This experience made me appreciate the place of my birth more and thankfully not on the account of the hollow principles of previous years. Now I have a solid backing for my reason.
For once I think I have got my bearings right. Hope this is a good omen, as I can't afford to put a foot wrong in the coming months..
Will be back when time permits...